Joy In The Wilderness

Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la...blah blah blah blah. I know I am not alone in this feeling.

I LOVE Christmas! I do... a whole lot! But this year the joy is a bit tough to find ...this year will be the hardest year. There will be more empty places and less faces. My family seems to have spent more time in the wilderness in the past ten years than most people I know.The joy of the season could quite possibly be a little less merry and bright this year as we gather around the tree, Christmas morning, at my Grandma's house. It will be my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary and the first one with out Grandpa. It will be hard, there will be tears... BUT, there is still joy in the season... its the reason (it is so easy to make this post rhyme, humor me).

Jesus.

This season I have focused more on Jesus (as I should do every season). This Christmas, my joy will come from the joy of celebrating the birth of my Savior and no so much focus on who is and who isn't gathered around the tree. This season Jingle Bells doesn't mean much. O Holy Night and Breath of Heaven are my anthems. Have you heard the chorus to Breath of Heaven? (My Momma sings it better than anyone I know, yes, even Amy Grant.) The chorus is beautiful and will be my prayer.

Breath of Heaven, Hold me together

Be forever near me, Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness

Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy

Breath of Heaven

As sad as it is going to be, I think I will enjoy this season more than any other because I finally get it. I have always understood the reason for the season and as a Christian that is what my intent has always been but, this season I am anticipating Christmas joy like I have never felt as I fully focus on the birth of Jesus and not buying the perfect gift or even how much time I get to spend with my family (don't get me wrong, I am still very much looking forward to it and will cherish every minute of it).

We are in a wilderness but there is joy there for everyone who believes in Jesus Christ!

Side Note: I like to think that we are still celebrating Christmas with Joseph, Uncle Charles and Grandpa. Sure their physical bodies are not here but they are in Heaven with Jesus, celebrating. Loss is hard and this doesn't fix it but it does help me. Maybe it'll help you.

Letter to the Anti-Christian

I was looking around iTunes a few weeks ago and came across a song that really disturbed me and the message of the song has been weighing heavy on my heart since then. The lyrics went like this, "If you don't go to church you'll go to hell, if you're the first one on the front row you're a self righteous son of a- cant win for losing you'll just disappoint em, just cause you cant beat em, don't mean you should join em".

After hearing the song I was overwhelmed with curiosity about how this person lives. What I continued to gather from this person was that because Christians are so judgmental and hateful towards non-believers, she strongly disliked them and has the wrong idea about who God is.

I said all that because I want to address this type of person, the Anti-Christian. I know most people that read my blog are family and friends but there are some people whom I have hurt that could stumble upon this and it could make a difference.

Dear You,

     I see your rebellion against God and it makes my heart ache. Not because of your actions, but because of how you got there. I understand that you have been judged in the past by people who claim to be a Christian and I can understand the bitter taste in your mouth towards God and anyone affiliated with Him. I am writing this letter to apologize and to let you in on a secret.
    First, I am so sorry that you have gotten the wrong impression of the Great and Powerful God that I love. His people have lead you to believe that He is as crude and judgmental as they are. Exodus 33 says that God is first, gracious and second, a judge. He does judge and discipline but it is all out of love. 

    I am sorry that by our judgments and actions you think that you need to be perfect and follow a bunch of rules to know the Awesome God that we serve. Or you do not care to know God because of our nose in the air. I bet that word scares you, serve... why should you "serve" anyone, right? It is a service but its not the " yes, Mista Masta" kind of service like so many believe that it is. Serving God is the most freeing feeling in the world. The service comes from your actions, living your life in a way that reflects Christ.
      I am truly and deeply sorry if someone has told you how awful you are because of your lifestyle. Sometimes, Christian or not, we do not understand other peoples issues because we are struggling with our own problems. I am so sorry you have the wrong idea about the Love of God because of our glances, whispers and out right calling you out.
     When you make the decision to live for Christ you do not turn into a "Holier Than Thou" robot, you are still you. I am not sure when or why that idea started floating around but it is totally wrong. God made you, whether you follow him or not, and He made you the way you are on purpose.

      Lets be honest, sin is fun but it is a temporary high and more than likely guilt follows it, even for you who claim to not care. At the end of the day we are looking for one thing, love. I know that because that is how God created us, to love and be loved. Being a Christian does not shield is from sin, it just means that we are forgiven and do not have to carry guilt around like a ton of bricks. God does not expect us to be sinless, He expects us to be obedient. The common thought these days is that God counts your wrongs and you have to work to make up for it. That is so not true! Every mistake you make God forgives,  He good choice you make God celebrates but not matter what you do, good or bad, God accepts you with open arms.  

    Would you like to know a secret? The Church pews are full of people that screw up on a daily basis, we ARE hypocritical and judgmental but we ARE human. We do have our own struggles and demons on our back. We do sin. We are not perfect people, we serve a perfect God. Sometimes we get confused about that. I wish I could tell you why we seem so crude and put together at the same time. I wish I had an answer for all the judgement. I wish I had an answer for all the times that someone has told you how horrible you are "in the name of Jesus". The only explanation I have is that we struggle with understanding the true meaning of grace.  I wish I could help you to understand what we are really all about and when we "push Jesus down your throat" it is not because we are judging you, it is because we love you. All I ask is that you have a more open mind about the people you hate for "having a closed mind".

Love (and I mean that),
Me

P.S. To the people who claim to be Christians, love people more and judge less, we really are becoming a minority and our judgments do not help. Lead people to Christ with your actions before you speak a word. 

I am open for discussion :) 

Lessons From My Grandpa

When I was in the third grade I remember my Mom telling me that my Grandpa only has a few years left with us and that I needed to spend time with him.  My third grade brain took the "few years" quite literally and I started to pray that my Grandpa would be around to see me go to Jr High. During that time I spent a lot of time with Grandpa. My Mom would drag me out of bed on early summer mornings and I would go to Grandpa's shop to pull nails out of old cedar fence boards so that he could use them to build birdhouses and such. He paid me 5 cents for every clean board, so I worked until I made 5 dollars and then I would go home. When Canton weekend would come around once a month, I would load up with Grandpa and spend the week selling bird houses with him. Grandpa would talk and talk to anyone that would listen... or look like they were at least. And he would always be sure to let them know that I was his Granddaughter.

Sometimes Grandpa would just take me fishing. One time his said the birds were in and we were going to go find them. So off we went...and came back with about 50 catfish, but you know how fishing stories go.

When Jr High came around, I thanked God that he was still around and asked that he would be around to see all of us graduate from high school. During those years Grandpa was at every thing that I did. Track, band, twirling, it did not matter I knew where I could find Grandpa; at the top of the bleachers, talking to anyone that would listen.

I have a lot of memories with Grandpa in them, smiling and talking. They are memories that will forever be in my heart because Grandpa went to be with Jesus two weeks ago.

I walked out of my parents house the morning after and expected to hear saws and nail guns ringing in his shop and as I walked by the place where he spent so much time I was expecting to hear him yell, "Hey! Where's your dog?" But it was silent...

The night he passed we were driving to Diboll I thought about the week I spent with my grandparents, two weeks before. I got to eat pork chops from Brookshires with my Grandpa and when Davison got lost in the woods Grandpa picked me up at the crack of dawn to go find him. As we rode around Diboll looking for him, Grandpa would tell me about how he use to go squirrel hunting in this neighborhood and how so and so use to live over there. I think God might of lead Davidson away for a little while so that Grandpa and I could have one last ride together. 

My mom told me I had a good week with Grandpa. I corrected her with "I had a great life with Grandpa". 

I remember him bouncing me on his knee as a child and singing "ride that horsey down town". I am sure like so many other songs he sang that it was just something he had made up.

I have years and years of sweet memories with my grandpa, I'm not sure how to even process it all yet. I am sure that I will spend the rest of my life reliving the good times and making sure that I love my kids and grandkids the way that Grandpa loved us.

I learned a lot from Grandpa, lessons that far exceed how to build a birdhouse, catch a fish or mow a yard, the greatest thing he taught me was how to live life to the fullest. The man seemed to squeeze the most out of every day and he did it by love. My Grandpa loved more pure and more deep than anyone I know and his love was truly unconditional. He loved God, his family, sports and food. Boy did he love food. In fact the last time I talked to him was Saturday night. I had facetimed my mom and she was on her way to his house. When she gave him the phone he was enjoying a bowl of chocolate ice cream, I know not because I saw the bowl but because he had a ring of chocolate around his mouth. 

He celebrated his family; every little achievement was a big deal to Grandpa. He made me feel like I was the greatest- my senior year in high school I was the feature twirler and my picture ended up on the front page of the Lufkin Daily News. Later that afternoon I pulled in the drive and Grandpa hollered at me to go up there. He met me with a huge smile and a sharpie and said, "I want the fist autograph" I didn't know what he was talking about until he grabbed the closest thing to him, a small license plate, and said, "here sign your name on this and put feature twirler by it". He hung it up right then and I'm sure it still hangs there today. 

I could write a book about the love my grandpa had for my grandma and our family but I think I better stop before I get carried away.

I have a picture in my mind of Grandpa's recliner. He would sit there at night as he watched sports and monitored the neighborhood; he knew everyone's head lights and would expect a reason for us coming or going late at night. It is so strange to see it empty... I guess that the perfect metaphor for how our life will be  with out him here. My heart aches for our family and everyone that knew Grandpa. I am sad for my future children because they will never know how great he was. 

I'm going to miss his smile, his laugh, all the goofy things he use to say and how no matter what he always ended our conversation with "You be good, Grandpa loves you".

 A piece of me is in heaven today. 

But.  

I thank God that this is not where my grandpas life ends. It is where it begins because when he took his last breath on earth he took his first in eternity. That is where I find my peace. I will see my grandpa again.

Letter to the College Freshman.

Dear College Freshman, 

I am guessing that by now you are settling into your new life as a college kid. I am sure you have already seen new things and been invited to a party or two. I am sure your head is spinning with excitement for the chance to be free and independent.

This semester you will probably learn that; now is when you make life long friendships and that boy that you met at the REC- it is possible he could be your next boyfriend. Just saying;), coffee is a good thing, staying ahead on your assigned reading will probably not happen but you better not get behind, the best nights of your life will be the ones that you did not plan, not every cute guy is nice and not every nerdy guy is well...nerdy, college football is an experience all on its own, roommates...well, you learn to love them, free food is good food and free t-shirts feel like Christmas day.
 

I'm sure by now you have gotten into the grove of making decisions for yourself. Go to the party or stay in, watch Greys Anatomy and dine on McDonalds? Go to class or sleep in? To get a tattoo or not get a tattoo, that is the real question. Who am I and where am I going? Lets be honest, that is the scariest question. You have the chance to re-create yourself in college because no one knows you. Chances are, you know you. Trust that. Do not try to fit yourself into situations and groups of people that you know are not "you". 

I spent a long time trying to figure out how to say this in a simple way and yesterday as I was sitting in my first class of my first day of Seminary my prof said this during his lecture:

"Someone will ask you how they know that they have a purpose in life and you tell them that humans are the only thing in the whole universe that is made in Gods image. That gives them purpose".

So who are "you"- a child and creation of God, made in His image. Let that be your foundation in every decision. Everything else that you chose to be and do is secondary to that. 

So, go to class, go to church, call your mom, get the tattoo,lay off the McDonald's, make friends, try new things (good things), go on adventures and live the college experience. Just do not forget who you are and where you come from. Because if you lose sight of that you will lose the right perspective on everything. 

Love, me

PS: Just do not follow in Miley's footsteps :)

Dream the Impossible Dream

Are you a dreamer? I am! I have struggled with how big I dream up things for my life and most times think that I am too old to try to make my dreams a reality. Or they are dreams because that is what they meant to be and nothing more. A couple of years ago I was chasing a BIG dream for a short time. During that time someone told me that I had a better chance of winning American Idol than seeing my dream come true.

I had the privilege of going to the American Idol Concert Tour last night in Grand Prairie. First of all let me get this out... The most exciting night ever!!! It was pure fun from the time we all loaded up in the car till the time we got home at 1 in the morning.

During the concert I remembered what that person said to me about having a better chance of doing what the people on stage were doing. In a cheesy montage kind of way I thought about Kree and all that she has shared of her journey to this point and Angie, how she stayed true to herself and took a stand for Christ and Candice and Janelle, how they tried out multiple times before they made it! As I watched all of these ladies they looked like they were born to be on that stage.  How cool is it that they are not so intimidated by the large scale of their dream and they just went for it?!

Watching this talented group of people see their dreams become a reality reminded me of my own dreams. I wonder if any of you, like myself feel like you are not good enough to chase your big dreams. Or maybe you think you have out dreamed Gods plans for your life. I know I have thought that before.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about dreams, plans and goals and for lack of better words, I have come up with a "check list". I want to share it with you but I also want you to know that this is something that I myself am working on. I hope this encourages you and helps you.

1. Pray about your desires and give it to God. Pray, Pray, Pray. Trust God, Trust God, Trust God. When you give it to God you know that when it happens, it will be His plan for your life and that is perfection.

2. Consider your dream in the context of your talents. If you want to be a stand up comedian but can not ever get the punch line right then you might want to reconsider. Now I completely understand that God uses unlikely people so I will add a disclaimer: if you have prayed about your dream and you still feel that it is something that you should pursue AND it will further the kingdom then go for it:) 

4. Know what it is you want to accomplish. My dream career is to work with teenage girls. I want to help them "survive" their teenage years and point them to Christ through all of it. I have ideas of how that could happen the obvious one is doing what I went to school for- teaching and coaching. Of course I have a bigger dream for how this could be done and I have ideas of others ways I could achieve it. But I have left it all to God.
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5. Allow your dreams to change with your life seasons. When I was single I knew that if I remained single after college that I would move to another country and be a missionary. Now that Andrew and I have gotten married we both agree that we are right where God has lead us as a couple. Do not bitterly hold on to old dreams.

Most importantly keep this in mind through it all...

The Lord makes firm the steps of those who delight in Him.

Psalms 37:23

To humans belong the plans of the heart,
    but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue.

Proverbs 16:1

Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
    and he will establish your plans.

Proverbs 16:3

I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Combating Fear

Yesterday my seven year old niece sent me a text that said "I am mad. Will you call me" I called her as soon as I could to find out what was wrong. "No one will play teacher with me" was her problem. Oh, the hard things seven year olds go through.

Life has been hard to take this last week. But I do not want to go there, it is too scary. Instead I want to combat that fear and share 5 things that I love about God.

1.  

O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.

Psalms 139:1

 

God knows everything about me and He loves me anyway. I am blown away by that kind of love. I mess up on an hourly basis and He is constantly forgiving me and loving on me anyway. I say things I regret and He does not hold it against me.

 

2.

You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!

 

Psalms 139:5-6

 

When I was kid I would hug two people at one time and call it a Sandwich Hug. I loved those hugs because I felt safe. Verse 5 says that God goes before us AND after us...it is a God sandwich ;)! It makes me feel safe to know that whatever I am going through God is sandwiching me in and protecting me, picking me up or carrying me through it.

 

3.

 I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave, you are there.

 If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
 even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
 I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you.

 

Psalms 139:7-12

 

I would say that what my family is going through would qualify as a dark time. There is such an amazing comfort I have knowing that God is here, even now. Working miracles that we are unaware of and giving us peace that we cannot comprehend. We can not escape His love! That is the most comforting thing I could ever hear!

 

4.

 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.

 

Psalms 139:13-16

 

God made me. Three simple words that should destroy any self confidence issues that I have. He created me for a purpose. He gave me my personality traits, as difficult as they maybe and as hard as it is for some people to accept them. God made me and I have a purpose for His Kingdom.

 

5.

 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
 Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

 

Psalms 139: 23-24

 

And He is not finished with me yet!!

Consider the Lilies

We were standing on the front porch when 4-year-old Taylor said ,"Tay Tay, I want to take a picture of something pretty". I told her to take a picture of herself but she did not agree as she ran off the porch, my cell phone in hand, towards the flowers in the front yard.
"Tay Tay, these are soooo cute! Who made them?"
"God"
Her little smile turned into wide eyed, jaw dropped, shocked face.
"He was here?!"
I was a little confused as I soaked in how adorable she was, "Who?" I asked.
"God, he was here yesterday?"
"God is here now Taylor, He is always here".

That short, innocent conversation with Taylor has played over and over in my mind in the past week and has raised some questions in my heart.


Are there times in your life that you forget that he has made even the flowers and he cares for them? And that He cares so much more for you? And not only was he here yesterday, when times were good. You know, "the good ole days". But He is here now in whatever you are going through, good time or bad, joyful moments and empty hours. He is here. Not only is He here now but tomorrow, when the future seems unsure, He is already there. My favorite author and speaker, Luci Swindoll once said , "The trouble with life is it is so daily". I'm going to add to that, "thankfully, so is God"!

                                                                    Matthew 6:28&30

 

Why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin... If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown in the fire will He not much more clothe you?

 

I have had a "quote" memorized for as long as I can remember and I am not sure if it was something I learned in Sunday school or a song my Momma sang at church but it is, "Consider the lilies, watch how they grow". It is taken from the scripture above (maybe it is even the scripture but in a different version, I am not sure), when I feel like God is not present in the moment, I consider the lilies and know that God is here now and always is, He will never leave me. That gives me such amazing peace and I hope it does the same for you.

 

Happy weekend!

26.2

I have been saying for years that I am going to do it. I have made a plan, read books and picked out the date to do it. I say on every birthday that this year I will make this dream come true... every year I start out dedicated like a new years resolution and then life gets in the way or the weather turns for the worst. Im talking about running a marathon of course... since I was in high school I have dreampt of completing 26.2 long miles. Im turning 25 March 2014. Did I just say that?! I am really going to be that old! It is still hard for me to wrap my head around and I have had 24 years to do so....so in eh, celebration of being half way to 50 and 5 years away from 30 (ekk!!) I am going to run a marathon. This year, the year of my 24 orbit around the sun, I will run a marathon before I start my 25th! I keep repeating myself because I am trying to get it into my head and I am blogging about it because I need something to keep me accountable. Maybe you could help me do that? In the mean time here are a couple motivating and humerous pics I have found on pinterest.

 

 

So, what dream do you have? What are you going to do about it?

Hallmark

I miss hanging out with my friends back home and the long chats we use to have. Most of the time they took place at Starbucks or over a cup of coffee somewhere else. I think that is why I love to write letters and mail cards to people. It has a warm "coffee house chat" feel about it. I told a woman the other day that I write letters to my friends. Her reply,"people still do that?!" Yes, maam we do!!

I like to tell people what they mean to me and how they have made my life better. That probably explains my obsession with Hallmark cards. This one is my favorite.

Ahhh! Puts a little lump in my throat. So sweet!!

When was the last time you mailed something other than bills?  Break up the monotony of your friends mail box. Drag out your old stationary, dust it off and make someone's day! It does not have to be fancy, just happy!!

What do you need?

Do you ever talk to yourself? It's okay to say yes. I ask myself questions all the time. Lately my favorite question is, "What do you need?" Most of the time the answer is, a hot fudge sunday. Yep, I can be pretty simple. I'm afraid that if I don't stop indulging myself to that answer then I will NEED bigger pants. Sometimes my answer is more complex like, I need validation. I need more friends. I need for my problems to be fixed. I need to not feel alone. Do you feel these things sometimes? Is there something you struggle with on a daily or hourly basis? What do you fill that longing with?

It seems like a lot of important people in my life are struggling right now. Struggling to feel validated in who they are, struggling to fight for love, struggling with waiting for their dreams to come true.

Sunday in church we sang a song with lyrics "strength will rise as we wait upon The Lord" that was the first time I felt the meaning of that lyric as I began to think about my struggles and the struggles of so many people that I love. Because I think that if we all gave an honsest answer to the question,"what do you need?" we would all see that we are all longing for validation. I wonder if we are feeling that desire because we have forgotten to receive our validation and love from God. Many are struggling with their marriage or relationship, I wonder if their inability to love their significant other is because they have lost sight of their love for God and from God. Others do not recognize the strength they recieve from the Lord as they wait for their spouse to fall in love with them again, others focus on their mistakes as they wait for their dreams to come true.

 I hope I'm not stepping on your toes too much as you read this. But will you think with me for a second? Answer the question honestly, what do you need? what are you going to do about it? Are you longing for a husband? A child? Is your marriage falling apart or has fallen apart? How do you fulfill that longing?

Wait. Pray and wait on The Lord. Don't just sit there and wait. Do the work, fight for love, go on dates, look for jobs and call for interviews. Whatever you do, do not let your desire for Christ become less than your desire for the world.

Like this tree too many people try to grow and live without tapping into the thing that they need the most. God. They think that if they try a little harder or get more from someone then everything will be hunky-dory, and it might work for a while...until the problem gets a little deeper. Because of that they give up and walk away from so many things because they tried to do it themselves. Maybe Im the only one that has experienced this, I dont know. Im sure of one thing though... Look to the The Lord. He is the sold rock. The only thing you can stand on that will. Not. Fail. You.

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not faint; they will walk and not grow weary.

Isaiah 40:31

My Prince

We have all seen it-the sad faces of starving children on the TV or advertisement on the Internet asking you to sponsor them and give them a better life. How many times have you actually paid attention? How many times have you looked away and thought nothing more than it to be a hoax?

When I was a child those commercials would wreck my little heart. I would ask, cry and sometimes beg my parents to sponsor a child. As a teen I would see the advertisement and know that one day when I was financially able to I would sponsor a child.

In 2009 my mom and I went to a Women of Faith conference in Dallas, TX. Laying on my chair was a picture of a little girl with the caption,"Will you be my sponsor?" All weekend long I thought about it. They surprised a long time sponsor with a trip to see the family that had became her family through the years of letters written back and forth. As I watched I became emotional and thought about the day that I made someone-worlds away-a part of my family.
I was only a sophomore in college and made just enough money to pay my credit card bill, gas and food each month. I decided that as soon as my credit card was paid off I would sponsor a child. That decision stayed tucked in the back of my mind as I worked to pay off my card for the next year. October of my junior year we went back to WOF in San Antonio, Tx. On our way out of the drive way I put my last credit card payment in the mail.

The months before the trip I had considered getting a pet and naming him Prince. Because I was single and lived alone and thought that I needed a Prince in my life. (Tuck that away somewhere important. It will make sense later).

We arrived at the venue and found our seats. There wasn't a World Vision Sponsor Profile in my seat, but that did not matter, I was going to stop by the WV booth and pick out a special child to sponsor later. Sometime during the day on Saturday they had a segment on sponsoring a WV child. During the segment I looked around and saw a profile in the seat two seats down. I walked over and opened it. My eyes widened as I scanned the profile of the most precious little boy named, Prince. My first thought was, this Prince is better than getting a pet Prince! I filled out the info, turned it in and he became mine. My Prince.

That was a little over two years ago. My husband and I are still his sponsor and love sending him letters and as many little toys as I can fit in the 6x9 envelope that we are allowed to use. Boy have I gotten creative with that!! I received a letter from him last week, I could not stop smiling as I opened it. In the letter he thanked me for the "magic towel" and small toys (dinosaur figures). He loves them so much that he can't sleep without them. My heart melted as I pictured this 4 year-old little boy begging his mother to let him sleep with a wash cloth and dinosaurs - that can't be comfortable- but it gives him comfort.

My point in telling this story is that sponsorship with World Vision is so real and so worth it. You get to be a foreign missionary from your house and you expand your family as you get to know them. The list of pros goes on and on. Check it out for yourself by going to www.worldvision.org

Emotions

I can't believe I haven't blogged in a month! A lot has happened in that time. I have been in an emotional slump.

I became content to not be content. I stopped working out and started watching way to much tv. I started thinking about all my "problems" in the perspective of my abilities to fix them instead of Gods plan for all of this. And really my problems were not real. Because I allowed myself to stress about everything it all became bigger than it needed to be. You remember when you were a kid and you heard a strange noise in the night, before you knew it the noise that was really just the water heater turning on was a scary monster in your closet? Yeah, that's how I felt.

A couple of weeks ago I literally lost my best girl friend. The girl that was with me through my toughest times in college is no longer in my life. It has been coming for about 10 months now but it has still left a bruise on my heart. I don't care how many friends I have or the manner in which I lose a friend it will always hurt to close the door on something and someone that once meant so much to me.
Because of that I began to feel a little bit more lonely; in reality I wasn't but I felt like it.

I continued to stress about everything and I do mean everything! Because the bottom line is the past couple of weeks I have completely lost focus of who I am in Christ and whose I am. Because of that I was stuck to battle my emotions on my own. Is that something we all struggle with a little bit? I hope I'm not alone in this feeling.

Regrettably, I was very quick to get upset with Andrew. I think because I wanted him to give me approval and validation. I was so wrong for that. As I was preparing to marry him the one thing that was said the most was that God is the only one that I should look to for validation. Andrew is human just like I am, while he is my husband and I should count on him the most in my life, I should not place all of my self worth in his hands and expect him to build me up.

I told you. I've been an emotional mess.

But God is so good and merciful and gracious! I have just a tiny bit of hope and he takes it further. I can feel him pulling me out of this every time I whisper "I trust you God" "I can't do this on my own" "help me". In the past week I have had more opportunities to hang out with people and that is very encouraging. Andrew and I have started going to a new church in Glen Rose and I have found everything about the place delightful and spiritually refreshing. Everyday is a battle, but my perspective has been fixed. I am leaning on God more. I can't believe I ever stopped, even for a couple of weeks.

I am definitely weak but God is so strong and His love for me is so overwhelming.

I hope that very soon in the future I can blog about more cheerful things instead of always about my struggle to enjoy this stage in my life. Pray for me y'all! This isn't easy!

Laugh Out Loud

"A day is waisted unless you fall over in a heap laughing" - Luci Swindoll

 

Days like today really make me realize the value of laughter. Not that it is a miserable day, there just has not been anything funny and I can tell the difference it has made on my mood.  

 

How many times a day do you laugh? I do not just mean lol, which is way over used these days...I mean actually laugh out loud. Laughing is such a healthy activity. I think that a good laughing spell is just as important as eating healthy and exercising. It lifts the spirit and frees the soul. It is even biblical, Proverbs says that laughing is the best medicine. So laugh. No matter how crummy your day is or how stressful life is, just laugh. Laugh until your tummy hurts. Laugh until you cant catch your breath. Throw your head back and Laugh out loud!! 

 

 I will get you started. Here are a few of my favorites...enjoy!

 

 

Perspective

 Im not very good at this whole staying at home unemployed thing (sorry! I know I started this out whining, this is going somewhere, just stay with me). I think too much to be successful at this, at least once an hour I have to stop thinking and pray or give myself a pep-talk, "God has not forgotten you. You have not messed up the plans for your life. Everything is okay!" is normally how it goes. I have this crazy fear that I have totally messed up my life, like maybe my dream to be a Teacher/Coach and make a difference in the life of young children was just a dream. 

 

Alot of my feelings remind me of the first time I rode an airplane. I was going to Cancun with a friend and her family. It was raining while we were boarding the plane and I was freaking out! Terrified of the trip, I mean I looked out of the airplane window and all I saw were dark skies, no hope of seeing a ray of light. I had to sit down and strap myself to the seat, despite my fears, I pulled it a little tighter than normal; I wasnt breathing anyway so it did not matter much. We took off down the run way as my face turned red, then blue and then green. I closed my eyes as I felt the plane completely lift off the ground. A few seconds later my friend was tapping me on my shoulder telling me to look out the window. I peeked through and saw the most beautiful sight this side of Heaven. The clouds were stacked into tall mountians with a valley of shallow clouds that looked like a little stream running toward the sun which was peaking over the stream and casting hot pink and bright yellow colors onto the clouds. Beautiful! I could not get my camera out fast enough to get a picture. But imagine the most beautiful sunset you have ever witnessed, now step right up to it so that the rest of the world is out of sight. That is what it felt like, looked like.

Because I really am struggling with anxiety and fear (and I know... I know most of this is in my head, I am making it bigger than I need too. God does have a plan and it is good, Romans 8:28 says so) I have had to really look at the simple small details of life and have learned to appreciate them in a way that I never have before. Like when Andrew comes home and the whole room gets brighter (not literally and im sorry for those of you that just thought "gag"), the other day Andrew and I tossed a football and he got it stuck in the top of the tree I laughed so hard my abs hurt, I get to spend quality time with my tiny library and my hammock, my house stays organized and clean.... the list goes on and on. The point is my life is not a train wreck, it just isnt going how I had planned it and that is hard for me.

 

Like on the plane, if I only focus on how scared I am I will miss the beauty that is waiting on the other side better yet, what is going on right now! I believe that alot of the time Jesus is tapping me on the shoulder and saying, "Open your eyes! You cannot miss this!" 

Are you like me? Do you think too much? Plan too much? Focus on the big picture so much that you miss the beautiful details? Life is so daily, there will always be problems and clouds of gloom looming over our head. It is a decision to not focus on them, just because they are there does not mean they are so powerful that the small details of life are MIA.

Our hearts longings will never go away, we will alway be longing for something else... more money, less bills, a bigger house, a job, more time with our family, a less stressful life, a boyfriend, the list goes on and on

I choose to not let the unfulfilled longings of my heart steal my daily joy. I choose to enjoy this life that God has blessed me with, as hard as it is to understand, it isnt a hard life and I am grateful for that. So today, I am opening my eyes! You should too! Whatever storm you are dealing with open your eyes and look out the window, the view is great!

 



Martha, Martha

Yesterday I woke up at 6 am, like I do every morning. Normally I make a huge mug of coffee and watch the news while I wait on a call to substitute. Yesterday, I decided to stay in bed and throw myself a pitty party. I thought, poor pitiful me! Why am I unemployed? I feel like a reject....blah, blah, blah... it kept going until I finally got out of bed. As I tried to think of things to do I became extremely discouraged because none of it had a real purpose, it was just something to do so that I had something to do.

 Finally, I opened my Bible and began to read in Luke about Jesus visiting. Mary was chillin at Jesus feet, soaking up every second of His presence and Martha got upset because she wasnt helping prepare dinner. Then Jesus said this," Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her". Luke 10:41

Talk about a wake up call. Foldgers in my cup dosent have anything on that!  I read this verse on a weekly basis. I need to in order to keep myself in check. I am constantly wanting to go, do, help, serve, be and put my hard work ethic to good use. But God has brought me to a season in my life that requires me to just be still. Oh, it is hard. I decided to try something new yesterday. I thanked God for this season in my life and for the plans He has for Andrew and me, because I know this is not all there is. This is the calm before the the storm. God has more planned for us. And if I dont enjoy life now, I will probably not enjoy it later.

So I layed in my hammock for a couple of hours with a good book and enjoyed the AMAZING weather and the sound of the river running behind me. It was pretty cool to be able to just enjoy the day.

I also got to enjoy lunch with Andrew... any time with my husband is a good time. I loved that I could enjoy his lunch hour with him.

I spent a little time on Pinterest; it is a very important part of everyday :) hehe! And I found this video. Prepare yourself for all the cuteness!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg

(I hope it works.. if not youtube Daily Affirmation. It is the little girl standing on the kitchen sink.)

I think this is exactly what I need to do every morning! Andrew will be THRILLED to here it at 6am! :)

Moral of the story:

I chose to thank God instead of question Him and my day was very enjoyable!!

So, trust God with every detail of your life, thank Him for it (that is obvious but not always easy) it makes the days easier than allowing bitterness to camp out in your heart.

Dancing and singing about what you like on the bathroom sink every morning is a must!!

What this is...

Well, here it is. My blog. Wow, this is scary! I have had the idea of starting a blog for a while now but I have always thought that it was an absolutley insane idea because... well... because it is me. I have read blogs off and on for a while now and have really became an avid reader in the past couple of months. They are all so brilliant, creative and artsy - that is not something that I can promise you will find on this blog. So...let me just flat out tell you what this is...

• I am a dreamer. I have actually been accused of dreaming to a fault. Maybe it is true, but who knows. So my heart is always longing... longing for closer friendships, more opportunities to tell my stories, to be able to teach and be called Coach one day. My heart longs to tell the world about the Love of Jesus Christ and the Grace and Mercy of the One True God. That is what this blog is about. 
• My stories. I love telling stories.
• My testimonies of how great God is and how it shows in my life.
• I hope this will be a place where I will grow closer to my friends by sharing my heart. 
• This blog is not to tell you how to live your life.
• This blog will have grammatical mistakes and misspelled words; Im sorry that is just the way it is, I am human :)
• I will brag on my wonderful husband.
• I might even share an occassional recipe because I have developed a love for cooking and sharing the good stuff.
• Since I do not anticipate this blog reaching anyone other than my friends and family, you will not find me pretending to have it all together or take this blog to seriously. That is why I titled my blog A Heart's Longing. I want to be open and real so that if there is a chance that you stumble upon this blog with a longing heart that you might see that God is good and soverign, you are not alone in your struggles and who knows you might even get a good laugh before you move on with your day and if not then maybe you will get an update on our life. :)

There you have it, that is what this is...

P.S. Please feel free to share anything you read. :)