Perspective

 Im not very good at this whole staying at home unemployed thing (sorry! I know I started this out whining, this is going somewhere, just stay with me). I think too much to be successful at this, at least once an hour I have to stop thinking and pray or give myself a pep-talk, "God has not forgotten you. You have not messed up the plans for your life. Everything is okay!" is normally how it goes. I have this crazy fear that I have totally messed up my life, like maybe my dream to be a Teacher/Coach and make a difference in the life of young children was just a dream. 

 

Alot of my feelings remind me of the first time I rode an airplane. I was going to Cancun with a friend and her family. It was raining while we were boarding the plane and I was freaking out! Terrified of the trip, I mean I looked out of the airplane window and all I saw were dark skies, no hope of seeing a ray of light. I had to sit down and strap myself to the seat, despite my fears, I pulled it a little tighter than normal; I wasnt breathing anyway so it did not matter much. We took off down the run way as my face turned red, then blue and then green. I closed my eyes as I felt the plane completely lift off the ground. A few seconds later my friend was tapping me on my shoulder telling me to look out the window. I peeked through and saw the most beautiful sight this side of Heaven. The clouds were stacked into tall mountians with a valley of shallow clouds that looked like a little stream running toward the sun which was peaking over the stream and casting hot pink and bright yellow colors onto the clouds. Beautiful! I could not get my camera out fast enough to get a picture. But imagine the most beautiful sunset you have ever witnessed, now step right up to it so that the rest of the world is out of sight. That is what it felt like, looked like.

Because I really am struggling with anxiety and fear (and I know... I know most of this is in my head, I am making it bigger than I need too. God does have a plan and it is good, Romans 8:28 says so) I have had to really look at the simple small details of life and have learned to appreciate them in a way that I never have before. Like when Andrew comes home and the whole room gets brighter (not literally and im sorry for those of you that just thought "gag"), the other day Andrew and I tossed a football and he got it stuck in the top of the tree I laughed so hard my abs hurt, I get to spend quality time with my tiny library and my hammock, my house stays organized and clean.... the list goes on and on. The point is my life is not a train wreck, it just isnt going how I had planned it and that is hard for me.

 

Like on the plane, if I only focus on how scared I am I will miss the beauty that is waiting on the other side better yet, what is going on right now! I believe that alot of the time Jesus is tapping me on the shoulder and saying, "Open your eyes! You cannot miss this!" 

Are you like me? Do you think too much? Plan too much? Focus on the big picture so much that you miss the beautiful details? Life is so daily, there will always be problems and clouds of gloom looming over our head. It is a decision to not focus on them, just because they are there does not mean they are so powerful that the small details of life are MIA.

Our hearts longings will never go away, we will alway be longing for something else... more money, less bills, a bigger house, a job, more time with our family, a less stressful life, a boyfriend, the list goes on and on

I choose to not let the unfulfilled longings of my heart steal my daily joy. I choose to enjoy this life that God has blessed me with, as hard as it is to understand, it isnt a hard life and I am grateful for that. So today, I am opening my eyes! You should too! Whatever storm you are dealing with open your eyes and look out the window, the view is great!