Combating Fear

Yesterday my seven year old niece sent me a text that said "I am mad. Will you call me" I called her as soon as I could to find out what was wrong. "No one will play teacher with me" was her problem. Oh, the hard things seven year olds go through.

Life has been hard to take this last week. But I do not want to go there, it is too scary. Instead I want to combat that fear and share 5 things that I love about God.

1.  

O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.

Psalms 139:1

 

God knows everything about me and He loves me anyway. I am blown away by that kind of love. I mess up on an hourly basis and He is constantly forgiving me and loving on me anyway. I say things I regret and He does not hold it against me.

 

2.

You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!

 

Psalms 139:5-6

 

When I was kid I would hug two people at one time and call it a Sandwich Hug. I loved those hugs because I felt safe. Verse 5 says that God goes before us AND after us...it is a God sandwich ;)! It makes me feel safe to know that whatever I am going through God is sandwiching me in and protecting me, picking me up or carrying me through it.

 

3.

 I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave, you are there.

 If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
 even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
 I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you.

 

Psalms 139:7-12

 

I would say that what my family is going through would qualify as a dark time. There is such an amazing comfort I have knowing that God is here, even now. Working miracles that we are unaware of and giving us peace that we cannot comprehend. We can not escape His love! That is the most comforting thing I could ever hear!

 

4.

 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.

 

Psalms 139:13-16

 

God made me. Three simple words that should destroy any self confidence issues that I have. He created me for a purpose. He gave me my personality traits, as difficult as they maybe and as hard as it is for some people to accept them. God made me and I have a purpose for His Kingdom.

 

5.

 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
 Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

 

Psalms 139: 23-24

 

And He is not finished with me yet!!

Consider the Lilies

We were standing on the front porch when 4-year-old Taylor said ,"Tay Tay, I want to take a picture of something pretty". I told her to take a picture of herself but she did not agree as she ran off the porch, my cell phone in hand, towards the flowers in the front yard.
"Tay Tay, these are soooo cute! Who made them?"
"God"
Her little smile turned into wide eyed, jaw dropped, shocked face.
"He was here?!"
I was a little confused as I soaked in how adorable she was, "Who?" I asked.
"God, he was here yesterday?"
"God is here now Taylor, He is always here".

That short, innocent conversation with Taylor has played over and over in my mind in the past week and has raised some questions in my heart.


Are there times in your life that you forget that he has made even the flowers and he cares for them? And that He cares so much more for you? And not only was he here yesterday, when times were good. You know, "the good ole days". But He is here now in whatever you are going through, good time or bad, joyful moments and empty hours. He is here. Not only is He here now but tomorrow, when the future seems unsure, He is already there. My favorite author and speaker, Luci Swindoll once said , "The trouble with life is it is so daily". I'm going to add to that, "thankfully, so is God"!

                                                                    Matthew 6:28&30

 

Why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin... If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown in the fire will He not much more clothe you?

 

I have had a "quote" memorized for as long as I can remember and I am not sure if it was something I learned in Sunday school or a song my Momma sang at church but it is, "Consider the lilies, watch how they grow". It is taken from the scripture above (maybe it is even the scripture but in a different version, I am not sure), when I feel like God is not present in the moment, I consider the lilies and know that God is here now and always is, He will never leave me. That gives me such amazing peace and I hope it does the same for you.

 

Happy weekend!

26.2

I have been saying for years that I am going to do it. I have made a plan, read books and picked out the date to do it. I say on every birthday that this year I will make this dream come true... every year I start out dedicated like a new years resolution and then life gets in the way or the weather turns for the worst. Im talking about running a marathon of course... since I was in high school I have dreampt of completing 26.2 long miles. Im turning 25 March 2014. Did I just say that?! I am really going to be that old! It is still hard for me to wrap my head around and I have had 24 years to do so....so in eh, celebration of being half way to 50 and 5 years away from 30 (ekk!!) I am going to run a marathon. This year, the year of my 24 orbit around the sun, I will run a marathon before I start my 25th! I keep repeating myself because I am trying to get it into my head and I am blogging about it because I need something to keep me accountable. Maybe you could help me do that? In the mean time here are a couple motivating and humerous pics I have found on pinterest.

 

 

So, what dream do you have? What are you going to do about it?

Hallmark

I miss hanging out with my friends back home and the long chats we use to have. Most of the time they took place at Starbucks or over a cup of coffee somewhere else. I think that is why I love to write letters and mail cards to people. It has a warm "coffee house chat" feel about it. I told a woman the other day that I write letters to my friends. Her reply,"people still do that?!" Yes, maam we do!!

I like to tell people what they mean to me and how they have made my life better. That probably explains my obsession with Hallmark cards. This one is my favorite.

Ahhh! Puts a little lump in my throat. So sweet!!

When was the last time you mailed something other than bills?  Break up the monotony of your friends mail box. Drag out your old stationary, dust it off and make someone's day! It does not have to be fancy, just happy!!

What do you need?

Do you ever talk to yourself? It's okay to say yes. I ask myself questions all the time. Lately my favorite question is, "What do you need?" Most of the time the answer is, a hot fudge sunday. Yep, I can be pretty simple. I'm afraid that if I don't stop indulging myself to that answer then I will NEED bigger pants. Sometimes my answer is more complex like, I need validation. I need more friends. I need for my problems to be fixed. I need to not feel alone. Do you feel these things sometimes? Is there something you struggle with on a daily or hourly basis? What do you fill that longing with?

It seems like a lot of important people in my life are struggling right now. Struggling to feel validated in who they are, struggling to fight for love, struggling with waiting for their dreams to come true.

Sunday in church we sang a song with lyrics "strength will rise as we wait upon The Lord" that was the first time I felt the meaning of that lyric as I began to think about my struggles and the struggles of so many people that I love. Because I think that if we all gave an honsest answer to the question,"what do you need?" we would all see that we are all longing for validation. I wonder if we are feeling that desire because we have forgotten to receive our validation and love from God. Many are struggling with their marriage or relationship, I wonder if their inability to love their significant other is because they have lost sight of their love for God and from God. Others do not recognize the strength they recieve from the Lord as they wait for their spouse to fall in love with them again, others focus on their mistakes as they wait for their dreams to come true.

 I hope I'm not stepping on your toes too much as you read this. But will you think with me for a second? Answer the question honestly, what do you need? what are you going to do about it? Are you longing for a husband? A child? Is your marriage falling apart or has fallen apart? How do you fulfill that longing?

Wait. Pray and wait on The Lord. Don't just sit there and wait. Do the work, fight for love, go on dates, look for jobs and call for interviews. Whatever you do, do not let your desire for Christ become less than your desire for the world.

Like this tree too many people try to grow and live without tapping into the thing that they need the most. God. They think that if they try a little harder or get more from someone then everything will be hunky-dory, and it might work for a while...until the problem gets a little deeper. Because of that they give up and walk away from so many things because they tried to do it themselves. Maybe Im the only one that has experienced this, I dont know. Im sure of one thing though... Look to the The Lord. He is the sold rock. The only thing you can stand on that will. Not. Fail. You.

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not faint; they will walk and not grow weary.

Isaiah 40:31

My Prince

We have all seen it-the sad faces of starving children on the TV or advertisement on the Internet asking you to sponsor them and give them a better life. How many times have you actually paid attention? How many times have you looked away and thought nothing more than it to be a hoax?

When I was a child those commercials would wreck my little heart. I would ask, cry and sometimes beg my parents to sponsor a child. As a teen I would see the advertisement and know that one day when I was financially able to I would sponsor a child.

In 2009 my mom and I went to a Women of Faith conference in Dallas, TX. Laying on my chair was a picture of a little girl with the caption,"Will you be my sponsor?" All weekend long I thought about it. They surprised a long time sponsor with a trip to see the family that had became her family through the years of letters written back and forth. As I watched I became emotional and thought about the day that I made someone-worlds away-a part of my family.
I was only a sophomore in college and made just enough money to pay my credit card bill, gas and food each month. I decided that as soon as my credit card was paid off I would sponsor a child. That decision stayed tucked in the back of my mind as I worked to pay off my card for the next year. October of my junior year we went back to WOF in San Antonio, Tx. On our way out of the drive way I put my last credit card payment in the mail.

The months before the trip I had considered getting a pet and naming him Prince. Because I was single and lived alone and thought that I needed a Prince in my life. (Tuck that away somewhere important. It will make sense later).

We arrived at the venue and found our seats. There wasn't a World Vision Sponsor Profile in my seat, but that did not matter, I was going to stop by the WV booth and pick out a special child to sponsor later. Sometime during the day on Saturday they had a segment on sponsoring a WV child. During the segment I looked around and saw a profile in the seat two seats down. I walked over and opened it. My eyes widened as I scanned the profile of the most precious little boy named, Prince. My first thought was, this Prince is better than getting a pet Prince! I filled out the info, turned it in and he became mine. My Prince.

That was a little over two years ago. My husband and I are still his sponsor and love sending him letters and as many little toys as I can fit in the 6x9 envelope that we are allowed to use. Boy have I gotten creative with that!! I received a letter from him last week, I could not stop smiling as I opened it. In the letter he thanked me for the "magic towel" and small toys (dinosaur figures). He loves them so much that he can't sleep without them. My heart melted as I pictured this 4 year-old little boy begging his mother to let him sleep with a wash cloth and dinosaurs - that can't be comfortable- but it gives him comfort.

My point in telling this story is that sponsorship with World Vision is so real and so worth it. You get to be a foreign missionary from your house and you expand your family as you get to know them. The list of pros goes on and on. Check it out for yourself by going to www.worldvision.org

Emotions

I can't believe I haven't blogged in a month! A lot has happened in that time. I have been in an emotional slump.

I became content to not be content. I stopped working out and started watching way to much tv. I started thinking about all my "problems" in the perspective of my abilities to fix them instead of Gods plan for all of this. And really my problems were not real. Because I allowed myself to stress about everything it all became bigger than it needed to be. You remember when you were a kid and you heard a strange noise in the night, before you knew it the noise that was really just the water heater turning on was a scary monster in your closet? Yeah, that's how I felt.

A couple of weeks ago I literally lost my best girl friend. The girl that was with me through my toughest times in college is no longer in my life. It has been coming for about 10 months now but it has still left a bruise on my heart. I don't care how many friends I have or the manner in which I lose a friend it will always hurt to close the door on something and someone that once meant so much to me.
Because of that I began to feel a little bit more lonely; in reality I wasn't but I felt like it.

I continued to stress about everything and I do mean everything! Because the bottom line is the past couple of weeks I have completely lost focus of who I am in Christ and whose I am. Because of that I was stuck to battle my emotions on my own. Is that something we all struggle with a little bit? I hope I'm not alone in this feeling.

Regrettably, I was very quick to get upset with Andrew. I think because I wanted him to give me approval and validation. I was so wrong for that. As I was preparing to marry him the one thing that was said the most was that God is the only one that I should look to for validation. Andrew is human just like I am, while he is my husband and I should count on him the most in my life, I should not place all of my self worth in his hands and expect him to build me up.

I told you. I've been an emotional mess.

But God is so good and merciful and gracious! I have just a tiny bit of hope and he takes it further. I can feel him pulling me out of this every time I whisper "I trust you God" "I can't do this on my own" "help me". In the past week I have had more opportunities to hang out with people and that is very encouraging. Andrew and I have started going to a new church in Glen Rose and I have found everything about the place delightful and spiritually refreshing. Everyday is a battle, but my perspective has been fixed. I am leaning on God more. I can't believe I ever stopped, even for a couple of weeks.

I am definitely weak but God is so strong and His love for me is so overwhelming.

I hope that very soon in the future I can blog about more cheerful things instead of always about my struggle to enjoy this stage in my life. Pray for me y'all! This isn't easy!