Not long ago Andrew was watching Avengers Infinty War and Sadie was playing in her room. She walked through the living room during a fight scene and stopped to watch for a second. “Sadie Baby, go back to your room” I wasn’t thrilled that she saw the fight scene. She looked over at me and said, “That girl is alive? She’s alive because she is being who she is right where she is” she was processing what she saw on tv and I’m not really sure what she was trying to say; but what she said has stuck with me. To be alive is to be who you are where you are. That can be a very difficult thing to do.
I was in a place this weekend where I was surrounded by people that are doing exactly what I always thought I would be doing with my life. As I watched what was going on around me I prayed, “God I want to be there. That’s not my story right now, so help me to be what I need to be here”. It’s hard to feel alive when life is such a struggle. It’s easy to think that our story is never going to change. Its difficult to be who we are, where we are, when where we are is between a rock and hard place. Are you alive? Do you feel like you are living as an extra on someone else’s stage?
Listen, I get it. I’m almost 30 years old and sometimes I feel like God made a mistake when he gave me certain quirks. It’s hard to be myself in certain settings. There were places in my life where I wasn’t living I was just existing, so I let them go and traded them for something that allowed me to be me comfortably.
Ephesians 2:10 says, “ I am Gods workmanship, created unto Christ to do good works”. It’s so easy to feel like we don’t measure up. It’s hard to imagine that God can take us and all of our broken pieces and use us for His good, but he does. You just have to be willing to be who you are, right. Where. You. Are. I don’t like where I am most of the time and it makes me cranky. Im just being honest. I want to do what I want to do. I want my dreams to come true. I want to feel confident wherever I am. I want... to stop looking at what I don’t have and I want to be where I am, fully and completely where I am.
2 Corinthians 12:9 says that Gods strength is made perfect in our weakness. It’s hard to feel weak. It’s hard to walk around with that label “not enough” on your forehead. It’s impossible to be who you are when you feel like you aren’t enough. Let 2 Corinthians be your crutch. Even when you are weak if you just show up and rely on God you are going to win because God is going to win. God is going to shine through you and the darkness you feel in your soul is going to disappear.
Sadie likes to quote a show she watches called Super Why. So now when I ask her to do something she doesn’t want to do she will often say “that’s not my story” (she’s four. Y’all start praying for her teenage years now. Please and thank you). How many times have we felt like God is calling us to go and we tell him the same thing? I’m not good enough. That will give me anxiety. That’s only for the cool kids. How many times has God asked you to be still and you moved anyway? God is writing your story. Your job is to just trust him and be who you are right where you are.
Your story might look more like a horror film and less like a hallmark movie sometimes but you have got to trust God to carry you through and get you to the other side. You might feel like your sins have you chained to the side stage when all you want to do is shine for Christ on the front stage. God has the power to break the chains that are holding you back and show you what he really created you for. Live for Christ, my friend, even when it feels like you can’t be yourself. Even when you feel like you aren’t good enough or someone has taken away any good you felt about yourself. Let God tell you who you are. Let God write your story and just live it. Psalms 139:14 says you are wonderfully made love (my phone keeps changing live to love... that works too) your story knowing that you are made to be a part of a story that far exceedes your abilities. You were made to shine for Christ right where you are. Be you. Feel free to be the girl/woman God had created you to be.
