Wait Well

Hey friend!

I didn’t think I was going to have a post for this month! For one, life has been CRAZY busy. Two, I spent most of this month struggling with feeling like I am not enough. That is what the September post was about and I didn’t want too double dip. Since it came up a couple of times this month I think I need to explain something really quick. I normally write a post when I am at the middle of my struggle because I want to be as real and honest as possible. I have tried to write after the tough time but I feel like I am boasting about what I have persevered through and it does not mean as much. So just know when I post something I am all in it with you and the reason I share is so that we can encourage each other as we walk through this together.

Alright, the real reason I am here.

I am not a patient person. When I get an idea in my head it consumes me and I pursue it until I see it happen. I have dreams and goals that I have been praying over for yeeeaaars. I wrote these dreams down years ago and thought that because I wrote them down and prayed over them that they would happen on my time table and the way I want them to happen. Spoiler alert, years later I am still dreaming and still praying. I have spent years pouring my heart out to God, begging Him to make my dreams come true. “It’s for your glory, God! So why isn’t it happening?  ...” crickets... “no? I must not be good enough” I would then go and pout in a corner. While I was pouting my head was filling with lies. “You’re stupid for thinking that God would ever do anything like that with your life. He loves you enough to save you but not enough to favor you” I would then begin to feel alone and isolated. When I walked into a room those words would play over and over in my head so I would just go sit in a corner with a virtual sign over my head “Hi. I’m not good enough. Don’t sit here.” Real Eeyore kind of stuff.

Do you remember my post about anxiety? If not,  you can go back and read it here. Yall, that moment was the turning point for me. I decided to step out of the pity party and into the truth. I made the decision to live fully rooted and grounded in Gods word. God broke the chains of anxiety and I ran to Him as quickly as I could. Life felt fresh and new. I was able to let people into my life and when I prayed it felt real. Unlike before when my life felt fake and I swore my prayers didn’t make it off the couch. Do you know what? Some of my prayers that I prayed in the darkness and after the darkness have been answered. I have a group of women in my life now that I call friend and it’s real. They encourage me and walk through my days with me and I try to do the same for them. It has been wonderful, having these ladies to talk and laugh with during the day (one of them joked a few weeks ago about wanting to be mentioned in my blog. Here you go, friend).
     But do you know what hasn’t happened since I stepped out of anxiety? My big dreams have not become reality yet. The things I have poured my heart and soul into planning and praying for are still just prayers in my journal. I have recently felt myself slowly slipping into the dark pit of despair. I don’t want to go back to that place. I have fought to stay in a good place.
    A few years ago I was sitting in my Old Testament class in seminary and we were discussing Exodus. One lady spoke up, “you now that the promise land was only a few days walk from Egypt? But because they complained and didn’t trust God’s and turned from Him they wondered for forty years. They expanded their wilderness”. That has stuck with me. They expanded their wilderness. They didn’t wait well.
     I have had several conversations with women this week about the season of waiting we are in. All of our longings are different but the wait is the same. We are just loving Jesus and trying to be faithful with what he has given us as we wait for what we feel he has put on our hearts to happen.  It didn’t really hit me until this morning that that was the theme of my week. Waiting.
      What are you waiting for? Is your heart discouraged because you have waited for so long? Have you been throwing pity parties or choosing to find the joy in the situation?  I’m going to be honest. I don’t wait well. If I don’t put effort into taking my thoughts captive I can slip right into the biggest pity party. I struggle to choose joy. I have always pictured people sitting at a coffee shop sipping their latte and just being joyful. When I “choose joy” it looks more like a game of tag. Joy is running all around sticking it’s tongue out at me and I am running my heart out to catch it. Psalm 16:11 says, “you make known to me the path of life;in your presence there is the fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore”. Just keeping it real, I used to read that verse and think, “ I am going to get what I want because it says that pleasures are forevermore. I just need to focus on Jesus”. Now I see and understand that my ideas and God’s idea might be different. I think, “ I’m going to have all the kids I want and the perfect career and a big house with lots of land  and I will be happy”. God says, “I have a plan for you and it is good  (Jeremiah 29:11). I work all things out for our good (Romans 8:28). You just need to wait well”.
     I am still learning how to wait well. I fail often but I am trying as hard as I can. So this is what I think waiting well looks like
     1. Trusting God. Not just when things are going right but really trusting God even when life sucks. When your dreams are laying shattered on the floor, you don’t fall down with them and if you do you do not stay there for long. You clean up the mess and you stand firm, trusting God and His wisdom and love for you. The Bible is God’s love story for us. It isn’t just for the woman next door that appears to have it all. It is for you, friend. Every promise, every victory, Jesus death and resurrection to save the lost... it’s all for you. You have to stand firm, rooted and grounded in the word of God. Start with Ephesians if you are overwhelmed by all of the pages.
     2. Pray continuously. Listen, I teach 6th graders, I am constantly calling on Jesus on behalf of those kids and myself, especially when there is a full moon. I love them, but God loves them more.  When I am not praying I have a worship song I am singing in my head, Touch of Heaven by Hillsong is my current anthem. I am not bragging. I am only telling you that you must stay in the mind set of worship and praise. Where worship resides, evil cannot.
     3. Take your thoughts captive. I had a really great day earlier this week. I saw prayers I have prayed for years answered right in front of me. It was so cool! I spent hours over the years asking God to make these things happen. I prayed so hard and so often without an answer that I felt stupid for praying about it, yet again. But something in me wouldn’t let me stop praying. I saw a sliver of those prayers answered and it was exciting. As soon as I walked away from that situation and back to real life the attack started. “They were just being nice, Traci. It’s not real. You’re still not enough for God to use you in that way. You're too weird” on and on they went. I have not handled it super well. I believed them about 85% of the time this week. I was really cranky yesterday afternoon because I gave into those thoughts completely. I eventually had to stop and think “are these thoughts based on scripture?” No. They aren’t. God does not speak to us in that way. I had to choose... still need to choose to take those thoughts captive and instead remember the scriptures.
“God does not give us a spirit of fear” 2 Timothy 1:7
“For I know the plans I have for you, says the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you”           Jeremiah 29:11
“Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall” 2 Peter 1:10
Psalm 42... I’ll just make that your homework. Read it. Memorize it. Love it.
     My prayer for you friend, is that you can step out of the darkness, chase joy, dare to dream, give those dreams to God, let Him lead you in your life and wait well. Psalms 27:14 says, “wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord”.

PS. At some point we will have to discuss what we do when what we want is clearly a closed door... Im not ready to get there yet, how about you?

That’s Not My Story

      Not long ago Andrew was watching Avengers Infinty War and Sadie was playing in her room. She walked through the living room during a fight scene and stopped to watch for a second. “Sadie Baby, go back to your room” I wasn’t thrilled that she saw the fight scene. She looked over at me and said, “That girl is alive? She’s alive because she is being who she is right where she is” she was processing what she saw on tv and I’m not really sure what she was trying to say; but what she said has stuck with me. To be alive is to be who you are where you are. That can be a very difficult thing to do.
      I was in a place this weekend where I was surrounded by people that are doing exactly what I always thought I would be doing with my life. As I watched what was going on around me I prayed, “God I want to be there. That’s not my story right now, so help me to be what I need to be here”.  It’s hard to feel alive when life is such a struggle. It’s easy to think that our story is never going to change. Its difficult to be who we are, where we are, when where we are is between a rock and hard place. Are you alive? Do you feel like you are living as an extra on someone else’s stage?
     Listen, I get it. I’m almost 30 years old and sometimes I feel like God made a mistake when he gave me certain quirks. It’s hard to be myself in certain settings. There were places in my life where I wasn’t living I was just existing, so I let them go and traded them for something that allowed me to be me comfortably.
     Ephesians 2:10 says, “ I am Gods workmanship, created unto Christ to do good works”. It’s so easy to feel like we don’t measure up. It’s hard to imagine that God can take us and all of our broken pieces and use us for His good, but he does. You just have to be willing to be who you are, right. Where. You. Are. I don’t like where I am most of the time and it makes me cranky.  Im just being honest. I want to do what I want to do. I want my dreams to come true. I want to feel confident wherever I am. I want... to stop looking at what I don’t have and I want to be where I am, fully and completely where I am.
    2 Corinthians 12:9 says that Gods strength is made perfect in our weakness. It’s hard to feel weak. It’s hard to walk around with that label “not enough” on your forehead. It’s impossible to be who you are when you feel like you aren’t enough. Let 2 Corinthians be your crutch. Even when you are weak if you just show up and rely on God you are going to win because God is going to win. God is going to shine through you and the darkness you feel in your soul is going to disappear.
    Sadie likes to quote a show she watches called Super Why. So now when I ask her to do something she doesn’t want to do she will often say “that’s not my story” (she’s four. Y’all start praying for her teenage years now. Please and thank you). How many times have we felt like God is calling us to go and we tell him the same thing? I’m not good enough. That will give me anxiety. That’s only for the cool kids. How many times has God asked you to be still and you moved anyway? God is writing your story. Your job is to just trust him and be who you are right where you are.
     Your story might look more like a horror film and less like a hallmark movie sometimes but you have got to trust God to carry you through and get you to the other side. You might feel like your sins have you chained to the side stage when all you want to do is shine for Christ on the front stage. God has the power to break the chains that are holding you back and show you what he really created you for. Live for Christ, my friend, even when it feels like you can’t be yourself. Even when you feel like you aren’t good enough or someone has taken away any good you felt about yourself. Let God tell you who you are. Let God write your story and just live it.  Psalms 139:14 says you are wonderfully made love (my phone keeps changing live to love... that works too) your story knowing that you are made to be a part of a story that far exceedes your abilities. You were made to shine for Christ right where you are. Be you. Feel free to be the girl/woman God had created you to be.

Purely, Simply, Good

Earlier this week I was sitting outside sipping my coffee and just enjoying the stillness of the morning before the girls woke up. I started looking towards the girls play set. We have had the best time on those swings this summer. It has not been an easy summer but when we are swinging on the swing set or on the tree swing, all is right in the world. As I was looking over the swing set it hit me. This swing set will not be here forever. The girls will grow up and the boards will rot and be thrown away (okay, maybe not. I have a plan to re-purpose them when the time comes. I'm too sentimental too just throw it all in the trash). Without thinking much about it I said, "God you are good. Thank you for this swing set because it means I have kids to swing on it". That simple thought started a movement in my heart.

In my world the word blessed is used a lot. "God blessed me with a new car", "We got a big house with more room than we need, we are so blessed". Is it like that in your world too? I never hear people say, "My world is crumbling and there is not much I can do about it, but I am blessed".  It feels like it is only used when we are given something bigger and better than we previously had. That makes it easy to look at the struggles and trials I am in and think, “well, I am not blessed, God must not see me”. Some times other  peoples blessings feel like our curse. I'm not saying it's right,but we are human and it is hard some times. I look at women that are doing exactly what I thought I would always be doing with my life and I think "God has blessed them. He must like them more. They are better than I am. I must not be good enough".

 I love when the preacher preaches about the thing God has been teaching me this week. He started out his sermon today asking people to name the ways that God has been good to them. My first thought was, “goodness, I have been thinking about this all week”. I almost stood up and listed my stuff but that's not my style. He continued with his sermon, he read a scripture I have never heard before. Romans 2:11, "God does not choose favorites".  A lump formed in my throat. God doesn't choose favorites? I thought that other people were more blessed than I am because God likes them more (I'm just going to *insert here* that I learned this week that on the enneagram, I am a four. So this thinking isn't necessarily a flaw it is just how I am wired. So I know I'm not alone though!). I read it over and over "God does not choose favorites". I am chosen. Purely, simply, I am not above or below. God is good to me because I belong to Him. I am not blessed because I have more. I am not disliked because I have less. I experience Gods goodness because I am His.

I'm not in any way trying to say that God doesn't bless us and that we aren't blessed or we shouldn't count our blessings and name them one by one. I just want to remind you that God is good. Even when we don't feel blessed. God is good and it is pure and simple. I want to encourage you to identifying all the ways God has been good to you.  We are blessed all the time by God. We are blessed by God BECAUSE he is good. He doesnt just bless us with money he blesses us with health and love and most importantly, salvation. In my world, "good" has been over looked, but now "good" has a whole new meaning. Good is pure and simple. I like simple. This week I am have been trying to identify all of the ways that God is good to me. Honestly, I think they have the same meaning, God is good and he blessed me with fill-in-the-blank ... I just really like to think of things in the perspective of Gods goodness and not my blessings. It makes it easier to see all the ways God has been good to me.

My children. Although one is really strong willed and it is exhausting, God is good for giving her a strong personality, I know she will use it well one day.

God is good for giving me a sweet little one that will literally laugh while the other has a tantrum. She reminds me it is okay to smile during the hard times. God is good.

After praying for four years  to have mom friends that live in my zip code. I finally feel like I have some quality friendships. Gods goodness.

When the surgery goes well. God is good.

When the surgery doesn't go well but I have peace about the outcome. God is good.

When my best friend says she wants me to delete her phone number. It sucks, but God is good, because he protected me from something I can't see.

When the car breaks down but a friend offers help. God is good.

When I lose my dream job but a door opens up to a less stressful job. God is good.

When life doesn't feel like it is full of easy fun days but you still have love and peace. God is good.

I could keep going but I think you get it.

God is good. It is simple and pure. When we look at our life through the simple and pure perspective of Gods goodness we will begin to feel His blessings. God doesn't choose favorites. He is good to all of us. Even if you can't see Gods goodness in your life, if the pit of despair is that dark, Jesus Christ died for you so that you would not have to suffer for eternity in hell. That is Gods goodness and that is enough, that is all you need.

My challenge for you is to identify 10 different ways God his good in your life. Write them down every day for the next week. Share them here or on my Facebook or Instagram if you would like so others can see that God is good.

Live Loved

Do you see it? The crown on your head. Do you see it when you look in the mirror? I prayed and asked God for another blog post and as I was reading Psalm 103:4 I could literally see myself standing in front of the mirror with a crown on my head. "God redeems your life from the pit AND CROWNS YOU WITH LOVE and compassion". Do you see it? Do you feel it? 

I can tell you that most days I feel the dampness of the pit. The labels that I have placed on myself pulling me down. "Socially awkward, weird, not good enough". When my child throws a fit in the store, "not a good mom". When I walk into a room full of people, "not worth the conversation". I feel the pit when I say something really silly. The pit gets darker as I sit embarrassed about my blond moments or I try to pull my foot out of my mouth. 

Its easy to feel the pit. The darkness closes in around you and becomes unbearable. But do you see it? Jesus at the door of the pit with His hand out, ready and willing to pull you out. HAPPY to pull you out. The beginning of verse 4 says, " He redeems your life from the pit." Satan wants you to think that your pit on earth is as bad as hell,  but I promise you this isnt close to the eternal pit that Jesus pulls you out of.

Do you see it? The wonderful world around you after you take His hand and allow you to pull you out. Do you feel it now? The crown of love? 

When I was in college and single I spent countless days searching my bible for the scripture that said, "And you, Traci, will marry your soulmate and live happily ever after". I never found it. What I found were scriptures that talked about what God sees in me. 

God created me.
 Psalms 139:13 you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb. V.14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 

God has a plan for me and it is good.
jeremiah 29:11 for I know the plans I have for you says the lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Please to give you a hope and a future. 

God accepts my broken pieces and makes me whole.
 Psalms 147:3 he heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. 

I do not have to be at my best for Jesus to love me.
 Psalms 147:10 his pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the lord delights in those who fear him, who put there hope in his unfailing love. 

Do you see it now? Do you feel it? Are you allowing it to take over? What label have you put on yourself? "Gossip. Cheater. Unlovable. Drug addict". Take it off. Accept Christ and take it off. Now put on love and acceptance and wear that crown proudly. 

Feel it, dont just wear it, feel it. When you walk into a crowded room dont feel shame. Feel love. Live love. You are loved by God, let that be your confidence. Let His love fill the voids, let it be the light that pulls you out of the darkness. 

The world is cruel, friend, and as women and mothers it feels magnified. But when  you live with the knowledge that you are loved by the creator of the universe, there inst much else that is scary. There inst anything you cant do.

So you walk into a crowded room and you arent sure anyone will talk to you? Adjust your crown and remind yourself that are already loved by God and that truly is enough. You dont NEED (yes, it is nice, but) these peoples love and accpetance. 

So your husband left you and you feel so many emotions that you cant sort them. You arent loved any less by God. Let His love over power the pit as you sort through your feelings and step into the new season of life. 

So you feel like you don't measure up to the other moms that that you see picking up their kids at daycare. When you truly live loved, you don't have to measure yourself up against other women. You are enough. 

You arent sure you are good enough?  You are good enough and you are loved. That isnt an opinion. That isnt debatable. That is a fact. I know it's hard. I'm writing this for myself. sometimes it isn't going to be a warm fuzzy feeling. You will just have to rely on the truth that you ARE loved by God and you're not in the pit alone. 

Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety. Whoa, what a way to start a blog post! Anxiety. Oh, kind of gives you... anxiety, right?

Anxiety has been the gate keeper in the depth of my soul for far too long. Any time joy tried to escape, anxiety was there to hurl it back into the dark corner of the dungeon of my soul. Sounds kind of dramatic right? It is dramatic. Anxiety does feel that dark and scary. Have you been there? Did you think you would escape? Are you there now, wondering if there is a way out?

You want to know what pulled me out of the pit? What kicked anxiety in the stomach and threw it into the place that it belongs? Psalms 23. Not the version that adults read in their bible. Not the version that lots of sports teams recite before a game. It was the kid version.

I was reading it to my kids at the beginning of the year and the words were so simple and so fresh. They tore down walls that anxiety had built up. They read;

God is my Shepherd

And I am his little lamb.

He feeds me

He guides me

He looks after me.

I have everything I need.

Inside, my heart is very quiet.

As quiet as lying still in soft green grass

In a meadow

By a little stream.

Even when I walk through

The dark, scary, lonely places

I won't be afraid

Because my shepherd knows where I am.

He is here with me.

He keeps me safe

He rescues me

He makes me strong

And brave.

He is getting wonderful

Things ready for me

Especially for me

Everything I ever dreamed of!

He fills my heart so full of happiness

I can't hold it all inside.

Wherever I go I know

God's Never Stopping

Never Giving Up

Unbreaking

Always and Forever Love

Will go, too!

"Even in the dark, scary, lonely places I won't be afraid." What are your dark scary lonely places? Mine is social settings, mostly, church settings. I have tried my hardest for years to make sure that the level of anxiety that I feel wasn't what people saw in me. I was sitting at a strong "crippled by anxiety" level. Most Fellowships I could pull off a smile and a "oh I'm just shy" persona. When the truth is the anxiety was overwhelming. "She doesn't really like you, Traci, she is just talking to you because she has to", "Do you see how fast she turned and talked to the other lady that walked through the door. It because you are weird." The horrible thoughts just kept coming. Kept knocking me down. It didn't take long for loneliness to move in. It took up residence right beside anxiety. Constantly making me feel separated from the rest of the world. 

Satan will do that you know? Take your weaknesses and pounce on them. Attack them and make you feel even more weak than you already are. He won't let up either. He will keep knocking you down until you feel Exhausted and discouraged  and you lose the fight and you give in to the darkness. 

You've got to stay in prayer and stay in the word. Focus on what God has made you to be. Take your thoughts and pair them with scripture. 

When you walk into a room full of people and you are seeking the validation of acceptance from other people in the room. "God is my Shepherd. I am his little lamb." I. Am. His. Who cares if no one talks to you as much as they talk to the other people. Are you loved by God? Yes. Then live that way. You are His. 

When you have anxiety about the future. "He leads me. He guides me. He looks after me. I have EVERYTHING I need." The future is scary but if you follow God into it, it will be the best life for you. Period. 

When you are scared and lonely. When you aren't sure where to find your peace and hope. "Even when I walk through the dark, scary and lonely  places, I won't be afraid, because my shepherd KNOWS where I am." He KNOWS where you are and because He isn't just a guy that sits up somewhere in the sky ruling over you, He will meet you where you are. He will be your friend when you feel that you have none. 

When you are in a room full of women that you aren't sure you fit in with. "He is here with me. He keeps me safe. He rescues me. He makes me strong and brave." 

When I am not sure about my future. " He is getting wonderful things ready for me. Especially for me."

When you are sad. "He fills my heart so full of happiness." 

When you feel distance "wherever I go I know, Gods never stopping, never giving up,unbreaking, always and forever love will go too"

When we live our life in the shadow of the cross with our eyes fixed on Jesus, anxiety can't help but take a back seat. When I tell you friends that I was crippled by anxiety. I'm not being dramatic. I mean it. Crippled, enprisoned, in the darkest place. Ive lost count of the number of times I sat and cried because I couldn't do anything else. It didn't happen over night either. It was a slow process. If you are suffering from anxiety, look to the Savior. Remind yourself often that the savior of the world loves you, created you, has a purpose for you and he delights in you. His purpose is NOT for you to cower in the corner  cuddled up with anxiety. Satan wants you to think that is all there is for you. I urge you to fight friend. Look to Jesus. Do your feelings line up with scripture? If not they aren't from God and you need to find a feeling to line up with Gods word.

Stay encouraged, friend. If you need prayer I will gladly pray for you. If you have questions. I will find the answer. If you need to talk, you guessed it. I can listen. :) 

My Testimony

I've struggled with what to write about, do I tackle the big ones like loneliness and anxiety? Do I mom blog? Talk about goals? I finally landed on a solid topic, my testimony. Most people reading this are family but maybe one day others will read it too, and even my family probably doesn't know my whole testimony.

I've always thought my testimony was boring. I grew up in church, accepted Christ as a child and now we still go to church. But I've realized that even "boring" testimonies are so full of Gods Grace and love that they still need to be told.

I grew up in church. Anytime the doors were open we were there. Often when the doors were not open we were there, helping my dad clean the church yard or fixing something on the building. When I was about 8 or so (I know, I don't know the day or year I was saved. It's horrible. Ok. Moving on) I accepted Christ not because I was afraid of hell (although that was part of it) but because I truly understood that I was broken and a sinner and apart from Christ I was going to always be broken and a mess.. I understood that that  Christian life was one I wanted to live and I need to accept Christ to make it official and real. I tried to live my life the best way I understood a Christian should live their life. In high school I opted out of the parties and chose to stay home. It was hard and I felt lonely pretty often but I knew that wasn't going to further the kingdom. When I was a junior in high school I knew that I wanted to be a missionary. I truly felt that call on my life and was ready to pursue it but one thing held me back, parents. I still felt that call on my life pretty strongly so I found other ways to be a missionary where I was. When it came time to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up I thought about what I loved, God and music the most, I decided to become a music producer. It still felt like a ministry and I got to produce music. Win, win right? I was discouraged from pursuing that career and so I thought long and hard about what I was going to do. Teaching made the most sense. I could be a missionary in the classroom and then be a real missionary in the summers.

As I went through college I struggled to find my place. Everyone was partying and drinking and I still didn't want a part of it. The loneliness was unbearable. I didn't want to be a part of the party crowd and I was to afraid to walk into the BSM by myself. So I sat in my dorm room alone and I really began to wrestle with my faith during my first semester of college. Why should I choose a lifestyle that left me so lonely?

Out of desperation I tried the party scene once and hated it. That's when I decided that my faith was real and I needed to love it. God had a plan for me and I just needed to pursue Jesus and do what he placed in front of me (thanks for the motto Marion Jordan). I began to really dig into the Word as I desperately wanted to have a closer relationship with God. I spent many hours listening to Ben Stuart on the breakaway podcast. I read my bible in between classes and often when I was in my dorm. I was looking for scripture that literally said, " and you traci WILL be married and have a  best friend and have all of your dreams come true" I never found those exact words but I did find so so many that spoke about Gods love for me, that he has plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me, that He has a place for me on earth and in heaven. I read that even though my current situation was lonely and didn't hold much promise that It can still be used for Gods glory. When I felt (and still feel today) that I had no hope I found that scripture says that my hope can be found in Christ.

My childhood and high school years I understood that God loved me enough to send his only Son to die for me and I needed to accept that gift. I wanted to live my life for Christ and tried my best too. But my life was great, I had friends, I was a part of lots of extra curricular activities, I was Diboll Day Queen (don't laugh). I lived for Christ but my need for The friendship of Christ wasn't needed or understood until I was alone in my dorm a couple of hours from everything I knew. That time of loneliness and sadness was a much needed time that I am thankful for because that's when I learned to be friends with Christ and to have a deeper relationship with Him. Eventually, I made a great group of friends and had a great time while I was in college.

Today I am a wife, a mom of two and I teach culinary arts at the high school that I graduated from. I never thought I would be where I am now. I always thought I would be a single girl teaching in a third world country. But I have followed God here and I'm so thankful that I did. I will continue to follow Him and see where He leads us.