I sat at the side of the tub with my two year old splashing water and my two week old nursing in my lap. And I. Was. Exhausted.
Andrew would be home. Eventually.
It was okay for the moment because Sadie was happy (I put a little extra lavender oil in her bath) and we would stay there as long as she wanted. I was hoping daddy would be home before her little fingers and toes wrinkled to help me.
I sat and looked at my girls and I felt lonely and tired. Like most days all I could mumble was "God I need you." In the fews weeks I had at work, before I had Remie, I would read from a devotional titled "God At the Kitchen Sink", If I had time while I was getting ready. And that is a big IF. Due to my lack of motivation to clean my bathroom that devotional is still sitting on my bathroom counter so I picked it up and opened it. Honestly, not expecting to get much from it. I was half focused on Remie nursing on my right and Sadie playing in the tub at my feet. I wasn't even sure I would be able to hold the book in a way that I could keep my eye on all three at the same time.
I opened the book and struggled to really read what my eyes were seeing. I kept reading distracted and all. I got to a devotional titled " Why God Does Want Your Messy Heart " and as I was reading Sadie noticed and said "read the book mommy" I said "you want me to read this to you?" She just responded with huh? Which I've started to translate to yes ma'am. So I started reading where I was,
"So Jesus says come. And He calls the people who are tired, who've worn themselves out. The ones who have a lot on their minds and more than they realize on their hearts. The ones weighed down by life, exhausted from just living. And the best thing is, the only criteria Jesus requires of us to come is to simply feel our need for Him. Because we are depleted. And we're a wreck. And we don't have what it takes."
The scripture she used was Matthew 11:28. Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Before I finished the paragraph she was playing with her toys again but she was quiet just long enough for me to focus on the words.
Before Sadie, I would spend hours praying, reading my bible and singing. After Sadie got here most days I couldn't read more than a couple of verses before she would need me. I thought that because I didn't have hours anymore I simply couldn't come to Jesus at all. Eventually I stopped trying. (That's hard for me to admit) when I started working I would get to school early to have my quiet time and it worked. Most days. But then I got pregnant with Remie and if I had a chance to read my bible I was probably asleep before I could get to the end of the scripture (again, hard to admit. Kind of feel silly admitting it to the internet but there ya go)
Basically, I slacked. I put my daughter and everything else first. Because I thought I needed hours and A shirt that didn't have sadies yogurt smeared across it before I could go to Jesus.
This summer I realized my GREAT need for Jesus again. Some days all I could get out during my prayer time was "you know my heart".
You know what I've realized? God made me a momma and I think he understands. Maybe I'm wrong but just because I don't have hours anymore doesn't mean I still don't need to come to Him. I think when a tired mom can only get out the words "God I need you. " in between chasing toddlers and nursing babies it is just as important as the hours that we would like to spend with Jesus.
Don't get me wrong. It is still very important to make time for a real quiet time but the reality is that sometimes that just doesn't happen. God still says to come anyway. Even if your hair is in a top knot and hasn't been washed in a few days. Even when you are tired. The momma you are is the one God made you to be, the one your kids need. You know as much as I do that our toddlers need us to call on Jesus!
Are you tired momma? I am too.
Are you busy momma? I get that.
Have you filled in all of your Beth Moore blanks this month? I haven't either.
But you know what? The momma I am needs Jesus. Every hour. Every minute and double when my child is laid out on the floor screaming because She can't get her baby blankets folded and stacked perfectly ( yes, that actually happens. Daily.)
God made us mommas. I think he understands our quick prayers. And He. Is. There. Every time. Because He made us, he gave us these blessings. He knows where we are. He sees our heart. He just wants us to come. And He fills in the rest.
