I can't believe I haven't blogged in a month! A lot has happened in that time. I have been in an emotional slump.
I became content to not be content. I stopped working out and started watching way to much tv. I started thinking about all my "problems" in the perspective of my abilities to fix them instead of Gods plan for all of this. And really my problems were not real. Because I allowed myself to stress about everything it all became bigger than it needed to be. You remember when you were a kid and you heard a strange noise in the night, before you knew it the noise that was really just the water heater turning on was a scary monster in your closet? Yeah, that's how I felt.
A couple of weeks ago I literally lost my best girl friend. The girl that was with me through my toughest times in college is no longer in my life. It has been coming for about 10 months now but it has still left a bruise on my heart. I don't care how many friends I have or the manner in which I lose a friend it will always hurt to close the door on something and someone that once meant so much to me.
Because of that I began to feel a little bit more lonely; in reality I wasn't but I felt like it.
I continued to stress about everything and I do mean everything! Because the bottom line is the past couple of weeks I have completely lost focus of who I am in Christ and whose I am. Because of that I was stuck to battle my emotions on my own. Is that something we all struggle with a little bit? I hope I'm not alone in this feeling.
Regrettably, I was very quick to get upset with Andrew. I think because I wanted him to give me approval and validation. I was so wrong for that. As I was preparing to marry him the one thing that was said the most was that God is the only one that I should look to for validation. Andrew is human just like I am, while he is my husband and I should count on him the most in my life, I should not place all of my self worth in his hands and expect him to build me up.
I told you. I've been an emotional mess.
But God is so good and merciful and gracious! I have just a tiny bit of hope and he takes it further. I can feel him pulling me out of this every time I whisper "I trust you God" "I can't do this on my own" "help me". In the past week I have had more opportunities to hang out with people and that is very encouraging. Andrew and I have started going to a new church in Glen Rose and I have found everything about the place delightful and spiritually refreshing. Everyday is a battle, but my perspective has been fixed. I am leaning on God more. I can't believe I ever stopped, even for a couple of weeks.
I am definitely weak but God is so strong and His love for me is so overwhelming.
I hope that very soon in the future I can blog about more cheerful things instead of always about my struggle to enjoy this stage in my life. Pray for me y'all! This isn't easy!
